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Local Student Discovers Meaning of the Universe, Casually Forgets Seconds Later

It was a transformative experience.

CAMBRIDGE, MA – Late last night, sentient life reached an important milestone when, for the first time since time began, a thinking being discovered the true essence of the Universe. The being in question, Harvard sophomore Jordyn Lythgoe, then promptly forgot about it and resumed browsing Reddit.

Lythgoe had just returned from a three-hour Chem 17 study session when she realized she had to complete a reading from Nietzsche’s The Gay Science. She came upon a passage about the concept of eternal return – “This life as you now live it and have lived it, you will have to live once more and innumerable times more. . . every pain and every joy and every thought and sigh and everything unutterably small or great in your life will have to return to you, all in the same succession and sequence” – when suddenly, she thought up a slight variation on this idea that made the entire Universe make complete sense.

Lythgoe experienced a stunning, world-rending influx of joy that threatened to blow her very reality apart. She felt herself bathed in an infinite white light, the embodiment of a sharply clear and beautiful knowing. Tears filled her eyes, and she felt a sacred peace emanate through every fiber of her being, each of her roughly forty trillion cells utterly engulfed in a contentment that was perfect and vivid and true. She understood the past, fully experienced the present, and knew the future. She had, in effect, become God.

Lythgoe then remembered she had to write up a response paper for the reading. She forgot how to cite MLA, so she quickly entered the relevant information into EasyBib to generate the reference. 

She realized she had just forgotten something, and it seemed important.

© 2017