and entering

Noah’s Ark to Enter Head of the Charles

Noah's Ark floats gently down the Charles River, totally not killing any unsuspecting kayakers.
CAMBRIDGE, MA -- After a flash flood warning was issued ahead of the 52nd Annual Head of the Charles Regatta, organizers of the race have announced that a crew representing the unknown “Ark Boathouse” will be competing in this year's event.
Based in Mesopotamia, the crew is led by their coxswain Noah, a man whose Biblical voice is said to truly drive the boat. When asked why they had entered the world famous regatta on such short notice, Noah simply responded, “A GREAT FLOOD IS COMING!” before swallowing a full flagon of wine and beginning to work out on a large wooden rowing machine.
The rest of the crew is an eclectic mix of oarsmen, with the notable feature of being made up of four sets of twins. However, their entry to the event has been challenged by other crews, who have contested whether the rowers in the Ark are indeed human; most notably one and two seat pairing Matthew and Beulah Lionheart, who appear to have hair covering almost their entire bodies, as well as a thick mane of blonde hair, and what seem to be tails tucked into their white flannel unitards.
While their entry to the race has come as a surprise to some, others do claim to have predicted this months in advance, including Cambridge resident Luke Johnson, who has recently been claiming, “The end is nigh,” and “the deluge is coming," interspersed with a repeated chant about “Crooked Hillary Clinton."
At press time, Noah and his family were seen making last minute structural changes to their three hundred cubit-long gopher wood boat after it emerged the upper deck would not fit under the newly refurbished Anderson bridge.
© 2016