and entering

Overly Aggressive Couple Wants You To Know They're Dating

Wilke and Sullivan find a place to express their undying love for each other where there in maximum foot traffic.

CAMBRIDGE, MA— As the semester winds down, a new couple has emerged on campus and they want everyone to be aware that they are madly and deeply in love.

The students of Anthropology 1010 were taken aback during last Monday’s review lecture when, without notice, Sydney Wilke '16 removed herself from her chair in the middle of Professor Rowan Flad’s PowerPoint slide on the construction of stone tools and made herself a new seat on the lap of her boyfriend, Sam Sullivan '16.

As the hour wore on, Wilke was seen taking notes on her boyfriend’s laptop while Sullivan whispered a stream of sweet nothings in her ear as he maintained a constant rhythmic knee bop.

“I was sitting right behind them in the lecture hall,” said Jenny Smith '18. “They were taking selfies on Photo Booth. One of the pictures was captioned ‘Throwing it back to Homo-erectus right now.’ What the fuck is cuffing season, anyway?”

The couple held hands through the entire lecture and the only time they were seen apart was when they simultaneously fed each other Chobani yogurt.

Emotions ran high at the end of class when Professor Flad told Wilke that she did “a good job” on her essay, and Sullivan punched a wall out of jealousy.

After further investigation, the Head TF of Anthro 1010 confirmed that all of the assignments they submitted were done through a joint Canvas account between Wilke and Sullivan, a phenomenon to which HUIT gave no comment.

The couple was unavailable to comment, as it appears Wilke noticed several hours ago that Sullivan’s Facebook profile lists him as “Interested in Women.”

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