and entering

Yahoo! Employee Makes New Plans to Avoid Creepy Office Guy

"Oh my god, he's really eating that sandwich!"

CAMBRIDGE, MA-- After CEO Marissa Mayer told Yahoo! employees that they are no longer allowed to work from home, many employees are uncomfortable with the increase in coworker interaction. Cassandra Stewart, who works in marketing, has had it especially difficult. Citing experiences she has had with one particular coworker, she has devised new ways to avoid the office creep, also known as “Dan.”

“Dan” became infamous after last year’s Christmas party where he sat quietly in a corner for most of the time instead of awkwardly engaging in conversation, like everyone else. He ended up eating the entire fruitcake that no one wanted and, occasionally, he would pull a bottle out of his coat (that he was still wearing) and drink something he had brought from home.

Cassandra was on alert after this incident. Until now, she has been able to safely work from home, but the new order has forced her to come up with new strategies. Unfortunately, her office is right next to his.

 “It’s horrible. One time I ran right into him after leaving my office, and I could smell the tuna and ketchup sandwich on his breath that he had just had for lunch,” Cassandra explained.

 “And every day he comes into my office asking for tape. I mean, what does he even use it for? I’m going to start leaving some out in front of my office. Hopefully, he’ll just leave me alone.”

 But there are problems outside of the office too.

 “It’s like he finds my car every day and parks next to it! Now, if I want to avoid that, I have to get to work extremely late. But meetings are the most difficult. He makes an effort to sit next to me and it would be way too noticeable if I walked in late. That’s why I plan on using the buddy system and coordinating with coworkers, the ones I like, when to leave. The same thing goes for bathroom breaks.”

 Cassandra hopes her new measures will spare her some awkward encounters.

“The less I see of him, the better. CEO Mayer was completely wrong with her plan. We work from home to protect ourselves from each other.”

© 2013