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49ers Forced to Wear Jorts in Super Bowl by Stadium Sponsor Levi’s

For once, it would seem the Gators are leading the pack.

MIAMI, FL – With the Super Bowl only days away, ESPN and FashionMagazine are reporting that the San Francisco 49ers are contractually obligated to wear blue denim shorts for the Big Game.

Reports say normal practice was interrupted Wednesday by representatives from Levi’s who stormed the facility in Santa Clara and began handing out new pairs of the questionably fashionable jean-shorts from size S (coach Kyle Shanahan) to XXXXL (lineman Justin Skule). 

“They’re definitely a little stiffer than what we’re used to,” said running back Raheem Mostert, “but I kind of like the new look. They have the pre-torn holes and everything.”

In a report released on the company website, Levi’s announced that in the fine print of the naming rights for the stadium, “the Team is required to represent Company products on field in the event of a Super Bowl appearance.” While not explicitly requiring the “products” to be jorts, NFL rules prohibit jean jackets, leaving little choice.

Although San Francisco’s league-best defense is concerned about keeping up with Kansas City quarterback Patrick Mahomes, 49ers quarterback Jimmy Garoppolo thinks the uniform swap won’t be too big a deal. “I mostly just hand the ball off anyway, so this will give me a head start on my modeling career on the biggest stage out there.”

Team representative Linda Kelley told reporters that 49ers fans are encouraged to support the uniform adjustment at the Super Bowl by purchasing the new bedazzled denim uniforms from the shop, where they can put their favorite player’s number on the back.

“What’s the best way to stand out at a game where the two teams have the exact same color scheme?” asked Kelley. “Wear all the sequins you can.”

Kansas City team owner Clark Hunt has since announced that the Chiefs, sponsored by the US Justice Department, will require fans and team members to embolden racist symbology at the Super Bowl, something they have luckily been practicing all season.


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