and entering

Barack Obama Appoints Moses Secretary of State

Despite frequent criticisms of his
Middle East policy, President-Elect Barack Obama has taken a brazen step in
appointing one of the seminal figures in Judaism today to the highest foreign
policy position in the nation.

Representatives of the GOP have
been quick to issue criticism of Obama's decision. Joe Lieberman (ID-CT) spoke
to reporters earlier this week regarding speculation of Moses' appointment,
describing him as "not the Jew to lead us through the 21st

Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell
(R-KY) stated much more freely upon hearing the news, "Let's be real; the only
reason this man is not an ex-con is because the judicial system was so weak in
his heyday. He's murdered Egyptians, and that can't be good for our image out
there, in addition to cursing them with more plagues than I can easily count,
and we want to reward this man with an international relations post? I don't
think so, no way."

Some of McConnell's Republican
allies, however, have expressed great enthusiasm at the fledgling president's
decision, most notably former presidential nominee John McCain (R-AZ). McCain
told reporters earlier today, "I don't care what anybody says, this man is a war
hero, just like me. At least I was only in Hanoy for five years. Can you believe
he wandered the desert for forty?"

He furthered the comparison, stating, "We can't deny his maverick status; he's a uniter, not a
divider, and he's respected by Muslims and Jews alike. Sure, he's a got a few
years on him, but I think men our age are actually sharper than the younger
generation. My only question is, if Barack Obama wanted somebody so much like
me, why didn't he just get me for the job?" McCain's former vice presidential
nominee, too, stated with glee, "It's great to see real Americans like Joe the
Plumber and Moses the Prophet getting involved in politics."

The reaction from the population as
a whole also remains mixed. Pro-choicers have described Moses in recent years as
"'an old windbag who claims to talk to God more often than he talks to his
mother,' while pro-life groups take his anti-abortion stance with a grain of
salt, citing his involvement in the Egyptian Tenth Plague Scandal 2700 years

President Elect Obama also
expressed a degree of ambivalence. "I respect the man, but we disagree on a good
number of things, generally stemming from the birth of Jesus Christ onwards. The
thing is, I like that about him. He brings a different view, which you've got to
expect with his level of experience. Moses governed the Israelites until he was
120, and he's arguably the first real legislator in recorded history. He's a
smart guy and I know we're both approaching our new jobs in a post-partisan
state of mind."

An e-mail sent to Moses was not
initially returned in time for this article, though his publicist indicated in a
phone call with SatireV reporters that Moses is "both honored and humbled to be
a part of this "historic administration." "Neither locusts nor frogs will keep
Moses from crossing this sea of a challenge."

© 2009