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Dad to Misbehaving Son: “You Can Expect a Tweet Tomorrow Morning, Young Man”

trump and tillerson
The father's tweet-punishment was inspired by the way that the president fired Rex Tillerson.

BOSTON, MASS.—After spending the entire school term clashing with his father, a local father told 14-year-old Devin L. Dunlap that he can expect a tweet tomorrow morning. This ultimatum is a blow to Dunlap, who must now dread a 280-character missive on an online public forum.

“I couldn’t believe my ears when Dad finally dropped the hammer,” Dunlap said. "I thought for sure that grounding me right then and there was the worst he would do, but he opted for a tweet."

Dunlap's father was reportedly upset with his son for a number of reasons—from Dunlap's unwillingness to eat vegetables, to Dunlap's flippancy when he called his father a moron. The biggest source of tension was Dunlap's inability to get along with Mr. P., his father’s best friend and across-the-street neighbor.

“Ever since Mr. P. showed up and helped us move into our new house, Dad’s been completely enamored with him,” said Dunlap. “I don’t get it. He’s always bossing us around like he’s the dictator of some large nuclearized authoritarian state or something.”

Dunlap added, “And I’m pretty sure I saw a framed picture of him shirtless on horseback hanging above his bed."

Comments like these, according to his father, earned Dunlap “a fast pass to expecting a tweet.” The tweet will arrive the next time the father goes to the bathroom.

© 2018