and entering

Indiana Voter Really More of a Boobigieg Man

His policies are just not favorable to the upper 50%.
GARY, IN—As presidential hopeful Pete Buttigieg gains more media coverage, area voter Kyle Redford admitted today that while he finds the candidate generally agreeable, he is just more of a Boobigieg man when it comes down to it.
“There’s nothing wrong with Buttigieg,” said Redford of the openly gay mayor. “I would happily take Buttigieg any day over no candidate at all. I’m just saying that South Bend is a little too south. I like some curves further north.”
Redford is in the minority. While preliminary data shows that Buttigieg polls favorably among all demographics, Boobigieg has struggled to attract support from straight women and gay men. Pundits have suggested that an increase in media coverage—so-called “Boobigeig augmentation”—could improve his image to voters. All of these pundits were men.
“I have only seen Boobigieg coverage on European TV networks, HBO, and peeling billboards in dark alleys,” Redford went on, “but he has a strange, perky allure. Other people don’t seem to like him—my coworker, for example, blocked me when I asked her what Boobigieg looked like. I’ve even heard that Instagram censors half of all Boobigieg pics.”
At press time, local weirdos were celebrating the just-announced candidacy of Pete Feetigieg.
Image credit: PBS
© 2019