and entering

Inspired By Resurgence of Populism, William Jennings Bryan Claws Out of Grave to Make Fourth Presidential Run

The site of the incident.

DAYTON, TENNESSEE -- In a shocking turn of events this Monday, populist presidential candidate William Jennings Bryan reanimated and dug his way out of his prison beneath the earth after hearing of the recent success of populist ideology in the 2016 presidential election.

According to witnesses, in the early afternoon on Monday a glowing green light could be seen coming from the earth alongside wood breaking-sounds and guttural noises. Onlookers claim that muffled groans of “political machines” and “cross of gold” could be heard coming from beneath Bryan’s grave.

Upon escape, Bryan reportedly took to the streets and began to attempt to rally support for presidential bid in 2020, despite having lost presidential races three times prior in 1896, 1900, and 1908. Sources say Bryan appeared dismayed by the lack of response to his ideas of free silver coinage, instead finding people to be more incited by name-calling and empty promises.

“I really thought this was gonna be my moment. In my day, left wing populism was all the rage, but it appears things have turned. I think I've found the key though: nowadays it seems to win you have to blatantly vocalize your racism rather than letting it be implied like in the early 1900s,” said Bryan.

At press time, reports say Bryan was relieved to find schools still not teaching evolution 90 years after the Scopes Trial.

© 2016