WASHINGTON, D.C. — President Obama announced today that, since the midterm elections are over, he has grown a Hitler mustache just to fuck with the Tea Party. 

“How do you like me now, Ted Cruz? Ooooo I’m scaaaary aren’t I?” asked President Obama in front of a crowd of reporters in the White House Briefing Room. “I just don’t give a fuck anymore about this bipartisan bullshit,” he added.

The President is also considering other ways to taunt the Tea Party, including changing the national motto from “In God We Trust” to “Socialism Rulez,” naming Karl Marx permanent Poet Laureate, and replacing all the flags in Rand Paul’s office with flags of Kenya. 

“And guess how I’m going to do it?” asked Obama. “Executive order, bitches! Boom!”

Members of the Tea Party have expressed outrage at President Obama’s decision.

“Now how are we supposed to subtly and constructively criticize President Obama’s actions in office?” said Tea Partyer Pete Jones. “Actually, what I meant to say was HITLER! HE’S HITLER!”

Tea Party leaders are currently cultivating a response. “Now that Hitler is out,” said Tea Party Rep. Louie Gohmert (R-Texas), “We are going to have to consider some different dictators’ facial features. Right now it looks like we’re going with Stalin’s eyebrows, but Mobuto’s leopard-print hat is looking pretty solid too.”

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