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LEAKED: Donald Trump's Cabinet Picks

Trump's administration will likely meet here, or not. Who knows?

As pundits and reporters continue to speculate about whom Donald Trump will pick to fill key roles in his administration, Satire V has exclusively acquired a list of President-elect Trump's picks:


Secretary of Transportation: Chris Christie

Russian Ambassador: Vladimir Putin

Secretary of Homeland Security: Jason Bourne

Secretary of Homeland: Claire Danes

Council of Economic Advisors: The movie Moneyball, Dow Jones, and the Washington Post horoscopes page

Secretary of Health and Human Services: Dr. Paul J. Barreira

Secretary of Education: A Bible stapled to a Breitbart article

High Inquisitor: Dolores Umbridge

Secretary of Energy: The oil. We have to take it back.

Secretary of Low Energy: Jeb Bush

Secretary of Cyber: Barron Trump

Secretary of Who?: Tiffany Trump

Secretary of the Underworld: Eric Trump 

Secretary: Someone with a pussy

Secretary of Commerce: Mr. Monopoly

Secretary of Agriculture: Your aunt who still plays Farmville

National Security Advisor: Donald Trump (“I’m speaking with myself, number one, because I have a very good brain”)

Communications Director: Joseph Goebbels

© 2016