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LEAKED: Other Things the Yale Republicans Endorse

While some prefer to amble around, the Yale College Republicans travel exclusively by Segway when touring new cities.

NEW HAVEN, CT -- After the Yale College Republicans endorsed GOP nominee Donald Trump for President today, Satire V obtained an exclusive list of other things the Yale Republicans endorse. Here is just a small sample from that list:

  • Recording videos with iPads at concerts
  • Pigeons
  • Keeping the plastic cover on furniture
  • Racism (apparently)
  • The "Unfortunate Incident" in Armenia
  • Safe spaces (from Mexicans)
  • Eating pizza with a knife and fork
  • Unpaid internships "for the exposure"
  • Açaí berries
  • Blackberries
  • Blackberries (the phones)
  • Watering down salad dressing when it's almost empty
  • Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace
  • Dunkin Donuts' new small-batch cold brew
  • Segway tours in popular tourist locations
  • Slow walkers
  • The White Walkers
  • The Hobbit trilogy
  • The Great Pacific garbage patch
  • Dyson airblades
  • Mean Girls 2
  • Swai
  • Yale


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