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Megyn Kelly Develops Altitude Sickness from Moral High Ground

Kelly stands atop the moral high ground before everyone remembers that the bar was kind of low to begin with.

8,000 FEET ABOVE GROUND LEVEL - Following an intense exchange Tuesday night with former House Speaker Newt Gingrich over allegations of sexual assault on the part of Donald Trump, Fox News host Megyn Kelly has reportedly developed altitude sickness from her newfound moral high ground. 

Gingrich accused Kelly of being “fascinated by sex”, to which Kelly responded that she was merely “fascinated by the protection of women.” Shortly afterwards, the cable news host developed symptoms including headache, loss of appetite, nausea, righteous indignation, dizziness, and insomnia. 

“Typically, altitude sickness is due to oxygen deprivation from traveling through high mountain passes or going to a mountain resort,” said Dr. Elana Li, a professor of general internal medicine at Harvard Medical School.  "However, in rare cases, it is also caused by suddenly taking the rational and principled stance on an issue after it finally affects you personally.”

Kelly has in the past displayed this risk factor. For example, in 2011, she reversed her position on paid family leave after returning from maternity leave, and then promptly fell ill with a headache and loss of control over her bodily functions.

At press time, a spokesman for Fox News announced that Kelly is expected to make a full recovery, provided she stay on bed rest for a week and slowly acclimate through limited exposure to NPR/Atlantic articles calling her a new feminist icon.


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