and entering

Physics Faculty Heads to Florida for Spring Training

Still better than A-Rod

PALM SPRINGS, FL -- To work some rust off after the long winter offseason, the faculty of the Harvard physics department has taken their lab equipment south for the annual week of Spring Training, where they plan to work bent coils back into shape and gear up for a strong season.

Facing lab teams from rivals Yale and Dartmouth in a series of poster exhibitions, department head David Morin said he wasn’t planning on weighing these contests too heavily when scaling his expectations for this year. "We’re definitely going to put the pulleys through the motions and see what we find. Maybe we’ll be able to leverage some powerful current performance into a future trade if the fan base doesn’t put up too much resistance.”

Morin said that he’s excited to see the newest addition to the squad in action: Yumiko Takada, who wrote her dissertation on sound waves at Tokyo University. “Our scouts are loving the way that Yumi holds a decibel meter on tape, but we’re wondering if she’ll have trouble adapting to the frequencies of pitch in the US. We have faith that she can get calibrated pretty quickly.”

Noted a scout from an opposing lab, “The horizontal springs have had fairly constant performance, without too much friction between them. When they let them swing away though, they’ve really been up and down.”

One of the department’s most-hyped springs has been tested on a mound, and with the exception of some random walks, everything has gone even better than expected. “It’s been incredible to watch its fluid motion repeated so efficiently,” said Preceptor Nick Demers.

While the Physics department works on forcing its way into the playoffs this season, the Astrophysics department has gone to Arizona to observe some of their brightest stars work on hitting moonshots.

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