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Reliving Our Parents’ Divorce - Team Joshua, Team Olivia, or Team Get Mommy and Daddy Back Together?

"I've learned my lesson. I can't date girls who write such fire music. Now I have to date mediocre musicians or accountants!"

In light of the release of Season 3 of the Disney+ hit television series, High School Musical the Musical The Series (Not to be confused with High School Musical (2006) or High School Musical The Musical (2007)), pre-teens around the globe are being forced to relive a traumatic moment in their lives, the break up of costars Olivia Rodrigo and Joshua Bassett. 

While Bassett and Rodrigo play a couple on screen and are rumored to have previously dated, they both have  recently  released songs, Rodrigo’s “Driver’s License” and Bassett’s  “Crisis”, that clearly illustrate the intense emotional pain this relationship caused both parties. Naturally, since Bassett and Rodrigo are public figures, they have been stripped of their right to privacy. Fans have every right to meticulously dissect and argue over every single aspect of their relationship. *

“Ever since I watched her on Disney Channel’s Bizaardvark, Olivia’s work has spoken to me. Where I used to hear God’s voice, I now hear Olivia’s angelic soprano belt”, explains Charlotte ‘I am not like other girls’ Jenkins. “How dare Joshua Bassett indulge in the simple pleasure of strawberry ice cream or listen to Billy Joel when he knows those things bring so much joy to Olivia. How dare he take these from her!” ** Charlotte was unable to comment any further, as she was in tears, stating that the way the couple handled their break up reminded her of her parents’ divorce and that Sabrina Carpenter is her Dad’s “skanky” secretary, Katie.  

In contrast, 19 year old self described “HSM Fanatic” Laurie Stone explains that while she was initially drawn to Rodrigo’s music and enjoys scream-singing “Good 4 U” in her car as she drives past her ex’s house, Bassett’s music has made her doubt the truthfulness of Rodrigo’s stories. She also finds Bassett’s abs, as prominently featured in season two of High School Musical The Musical The Series, to be “Yummy”.

To avoid further conflict among fans, many professional Disney Channel enthusiasts believe the couple should just suck it up and get back together! 

Fans were petitioning for a joint concert, hoping this will result in a “Parent Trap” (1998) ending, where Rodrigo and Bassett reunite crying in each other arms, forgetting where they went wrong, and promising to give the relationship another shot with their new family. Additionally, fans have started a gofundme page, to cover the cost of Ashley Tisdale’s couples therapy program. In a surprising turn of events, the petition was heavily modified the same night as Sabrina Carpenter album “emails i can't send” was released to the public, to apologize for calling Sabrina a “homewrecker”.


*  Such a murky interpretation of the 14th amendment is a result of Senate Bill 90210, The Celebrities are Not People Act of 2021.

**Note: 92% percent of Americans report that they frequently enjoy Billy Joel’s music, and 84% report that they are fond of strawberry ice cream.

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