and entering

Report: Donald Trump Smells Bad

Count yourself lucky he's not here in person.
ITHACA, NY -- A new study by a group of scientists at Cornell University has proven that Donald Trump smells bad.
The study, conducted over the course of six months, was meant to dispel any persistent myths about the candidate's foul odor. However, the scientists were shocked by what they found.
"Oh yeah. Real bad," said Dr. Alan Thornberry, head researcher on the project. "Imagine mixing ketchup with rat feces, swirling it around in some pickle juice, and then dumping it all into a vat of spoiled milk. That's what we're talking about here."
Although details of the study's methods have been kept under wraps due to security concerns, the scientists hinted at how they gathered evidence.
"Mostly by sniffing," said Dr. Susan Ho, the study's primary investigator. "I can't say where or when, but I can confirm that we did a lot of sniffing."
The implications of these findings, while certainly far-reaching, are yet unknown to the scientific community. "I'm not quite sure what to make of this," said Dr. Lisa Higgins, a top otolaryngologist at Massachusetts General Hospital. "It's certainly very gross. I can't say I'm surprised, though."
While the Trump campaign has yet to respond to the findings, sources inside Trump Tower have said the penthouse suite shower has been continuously running for three days.

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