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Saturday Night Debate Targets Voters with No Social Lives

The candidates greet the debate's three viewers before the event begins.

DES MOINES, IA – The second Democratic presidential debate took place this Saturday evening, drawing a total of three viewers from within the coveted 18-49 demographic who were actually home at 9 pm. 

This debate took advantage of the underutilized political strategy of airing when no one was watching in order to escape the criticism and satire that inevitably ensue when people do tune in. Rep. Debbie Wasserman Schultz (D-FL), chairwoman of the Democratic National Committee, claims she wanted to attract younger voters. “I was inspired by my own college experience, gathering around the TV every Saturday night after my oboe lessons.”

One of the three viewers, 26-year-old Austin, TX resident Sloane Wolfe said she had marked the date on her calendar several months ago. “Even if I had been invited to a movie or pottery seminar – which I wasn’t – I wouldn’t have missed this debate,” explained Wolfe. She did, however, fall asleep fifteen minutes after it started.

Jerry Atrick, 49-year-old Tampa, FL resident, also tuned in to CBS for coverage. While he said he did listen to the political statements and discussions of the candidates, Atrick referred to them as “white noise in the background” of the real reason he watched the debate: Iowa. “I’m obsessed with Iowa,” Atrick passionately stated, “The plains, the corn, the potatoes – any time Iowa is on TV, I watch it.”

The third and final viewer of Saturday night’s debate was Robin Banks, a 31-year-old Boston resident. However, Banks revealed that she actually wasn't paying attention to the goings-on. “I keep my TV on at all times just so I can hear other people’s voices,” Banks said. “It was like a family dinner- getting into heated discussions about politics- or at least the ones I’ve read about online.” Banks reportedly wanted to go out on Saturday night, but couldn’t.  “Being under house arrest puts a damper on your social life,” she said. 

At press time, the DNC released a statement announcing the next debate's time and place as New York City at 11 pm on December 31.

Image Source: Getty

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