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Scottsdale, Arizona Changes Name to Scü‡zđæłé After Realizing that Rich Idiots Are 700% More Likely To Visit Locales With Weird Spellings

Scü‡zđæłé, AZLast Tuesday, the Scottsdale Chamber of Commerce made a shocking announcement; in an effort to boost tourism income, the city would be changing its name to “Scü‡zđæłé” (Pronounced “Sc-out-ts-ts-dahl-e” or some other shit) effective January 1st, 2023.

The name change is a bold move that has drawn criticism from numerous government officials, public figures, and surprisingly Ched Abbot, lead singer of the Wiggles. Suggestions for the change followed an independent survey, commissioned by the Arizona State Tourism Board, which found that bored rich people derived most of their travel-related satisfaction from correcting others on the proper pronunciation and spelling of the locales they chose to visit, as opposed to the trip themselves.

“The final straw was when I got this ad on Instagram and ‘Montreal’ was spelled with two umlauts and a ‘k’ and I just thought, ‘Fuck it,’” said interim director of tourism for the Scü‡zđæłé Chamber of Commerce, Fred Armisen, “It was a simple lateral move for us to sacrifice our pride so that visitors can feel like they’re discovering somewhere great, rather than just visiting somewhere kinda shitty.”

“We definitely brainstormed a lot,” said State Congresswoman Scotss Dali, “But after we were informed that calling it ‘The City Formerly Known as Scottsdale,’ would technically be copyright infringement, we just decided to click on a bunch of random symbols in the Microsoft Word ‘Insert’ tab.”

Tourists have already begun to notice the change. A survey among insufferable people in the airport who “feel like travel is the most important thing, ya know?” found that over 75% of these frequent fliers were ready to “do the work” to visit Scü‡zđæłé in a way that respected local traditions. “I just can’t wait to learn about the rich history, culture, and traditions of Scü‡zđæłé” reports @ScarsdaleTravel, a travel blog popular in “not quite upstate” New York, “Scü‡zđæłé…. Scü‡zđæłé …. is that like Schoharie or something?”

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