The desperate state of America's economy was entirely repaired last night when Chairman of the Federal Reserve Ben Bernanke found six trillion dollars crumpled up beneath the cushions of his couch. The money was discovered when Bernanke attempted to retrieve a fallen peanut two hours into a Rush Hour marathon on TBS. Heroically overcoming the fear that the Dr. Pepper resting on the apex of his stomach would upend itself, the famed economist dug without restraint, salvaging both the global economy and the peanut, which narrowly evaded being rendered inedible by the unfeeling hand of the five second rule. By the time Rush Hour 3 had ended, he realized the significance of his discovery.

"Son of a bitch," remarked Bernanke. "That's where that went."