and entering

Straight Republican Outed

Senator Buck Newport admits he is in a loving relationship with his wife.

The Republican Congressional minority was shaken yesterday, after the revelation that one of their own was not a closeted homosexual.

In a tearful press conference that afternoon, Senator Buck Newport admitted that he has never cheated on his wife with another man, attempted
to seduce young pages in his employ, or solicit sex in the men’s bathroom by tapping twice on an adjacent stall. Most shockingly, Grassley went on to confess that he is not even a closeted homosexual.

“The truth is, I’ve been happily married to my wife of thirty-five years,” Newport admitted. “I am actually completely straight and I harbor no deep-seated homosexual urges.”

Newport is expected
to announce his resignation as early as next week.

© 2008