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Thousands of Felines March in Pussies’ Catwalk on Washington

Several cats expressed their bemeowldermint at the record crowds today.

WASHINGTON — In a pawesome display of feline solidarity, thousands of cats marched this Saturday in the Pussies’ Catwalk on Washington, protesting the inclawguration of President Donald J. Rump.

Swarming the nation’s catitol in unprecedented numbers, felines of all shapes and sizes carried homemade signs as they pranced through the city—“A Pussy’s Place Is in the Mouse and the Senate,” “Don’t Grab Me By the Me,” “Only Scaredy-Cats Fear Pussies,” “We’ve Strayed Too Fur,” "The Future Is Feline."

Many of the cats cited Rump’s cabinet—which includes Rick Purry, Rex Litterson, James Cattis, Elaine Meow, and Andrew Fuzzder—among their chief concerns about the incoming admewnistration. Princess, a Siamese cat from Virginia, explained, “He promised to drain the litter box, but he's only made it dirtier."

“Rump is way too friendly with the Russian Blues,” lamented Stripes, an American shorthair from Idaho. “We’re going to fight like cats and dogs for the next four years.”

Conflicts arose over the intersectionmeowity of the event. Pro-neutering groups clashed with anti-neutering advocates over the latter's right to call themselves felinists. Some Manx cats felt excluded by the tail-centered rhetoric at the Catwalk, for some Manxes do not have tails but still identify as cats.

Providing a stark contrast to the previous day's celebrity shortage, the Catwalk was a star-studded affair. The cat from the Purina commercials, Grumpy Cat, and Garfield all delivered speeches.

In response to the Catwalk, Rump tweeted, “Guess the cat is out of the bag—low-energy, overrated pussies are just a bunch of sore losers! Sad!”

© 2017