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Trump Resigns After Winning Joke Campaign; Sietse Goffard Appointed VP

Donald Trump informs Mike Pence that this whole thing was just a publicity stunt to get TomBasRav.

WASHINGTON, DC--Following a stunning victory on November 8, president-elect Donald J. Trump dropped another bombshell earlier today when he announced his intent to resign from the position immediately.

“THANK YOU AMERICA,” the real-estate and media mogul tweeted at 3:45 AM. “Incredible + unbelievable support. Together we will #MAGA. But it’s time for me to focus on Trump TV."

 With Governor Michael Pence (R-IN) now the presumptive 45th president, Congress has selected Sietse Goffard ‘15 as the new Vice President of the United States.

 In response to a request for comment, Goffard said, “Wait? What?"

 Pence has indicated that he appreciates the governing experience Goffard brings, and is looking forward to working together on issues such as infrastructure, the fight against ISIS, and getting tomato basil ravioli soup served in the Senate cafeteria every day.

“What are you talking about?” Goffard asked in an emailed response to reporters. “I’m not on the Undergraduate Council anymore. And that wasn’t even part of my original platform.”

Although Trump and Pence initially ran as a joke ticket with no intention of governing, their surprising victory on November 8 convinced Pence that this was an opportunity to address much of the disillusionment and frustration among voters that has permeated the last twelve months. “Together, we will give a voice to the voiceless, secure our borders, and… Sietse, does this article say that you want to ‘provide increased funding for inclusive social events on campus?’” Pence paused, brow furrowed, before saying, “Maybe if there’s money left over after we defund Planned Parenthood.”

When reached once more for comment, Goffard responded, “??? ? !!!! ?????"

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