and entering

Area Cartographer Gives Up On Creating World Map To Scale

Boring, traditional greens and blues pioneered by Gerardus Mercator

UPPSALA, SWEDEN -- Rolling up the many, many, many pieces of his latest mapping project, area cartographer Elias Karlsson finally set aside his most recent, most ambitious project: creating a map of the world to actual scale, whilst still following Amerigo Vespucci’s 16 Principes Fondamentaux de La Cartographie. 

After observing that cookie boxes at the grocery store with pictures of cookies’ actual sizes on the box showed more details than those without, cartographer Karlsson undertook the task of creating a map with the same intention. “This new map,” his diary read, “will be able to show off the rolling hills of the Swedish countryside - and eventually the world - much better than the boring, traditional greens and blues pioneered by Gerardus Mercator.” 

Karlsson had only finished mapping his front lawn at the time of setting the project aside. Beautiful recreations of the millions of literally identical blades of grass covered the portions of the map he had been working on. “It’s beautiful because it’s true to nature, Earth, and the 16 Principes Fondamentaux de La Cartographie. Each blade of grass exists both outside and on the page - Vespucci would be proud.”

Karlsson’s family, however, is glad to hear his project come to an end. “It was a nightmare,” said his wife. “Every surface of our cottage was covered in maps. So much of it was just drawings from the grass outside that I wasn’t even sure if I was indoors anymore.”

On the future of his project, Karlsson was still hopeful, “I still think the idea has potential, and I put forth a valiant effort. The physical map was just taking a lot of space. Maybe I’ll try making the map digitally instead.” 

Karlsson was not available at press time. His family said he had just found out about Google Earth and hasn’t stopped crying since.

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