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Ex-Lovers China and Japan Child Custody Dispute Turns Ugly

China's lawyer has threatened to either sue for libel or sink the Japanese navy.

After a nasty break up in 1937, they’re at it again. We all remember the notorious comment from the early 1600s when Dutch paparazzi asked Japan its relationship status with China and received the terse: “I’m really not that into China.  She’s really self centered. I’m definitely not making anything official.”

After years of toughing it out, in 1937 they made People magazine's list of worst breakups in history, just below the Goslings and just above Spears and Federline.

Now, just a few years after the custody battle over their lovechild Taiwan, sources tell us the ex-couple is fighting for full custody over a second child archipelago.  Japan was furious, citing he’s been taking care of “Senkaku” from the start: “I really care about the proper development of little Senkaku. I was the one that always took care of her when China was too busy smoking opium!”

China retaliated saying that a "good father" would know the archipelago’s name was “Diaoyu,” and that to split up Taiwan and Diaoyu would be irresponsible and heartless. After exiting the courtroom that day, China made her thoughts on Japan’s accusations clear: “It was really low of Japan to bring up my past with drugs. He knows that’s not who I am today. I’m a hardworking mother who has been making a name for herself. Can he say that much? No! All he ever does is fish and play video games!”

Reports tell us the mudslinging and accusations have continued to fly between the two throughout court proceedings. Both have made petty claims to personal items they say the other has stolen. Japan claims China stole manga comic books and Ramen noodles, while China insists that both ideas are originally hers and accuses Japan of taking her collection of soap operas. With such vicious proceedings it’s hard to say if either of them deserve to be caring for an island at all. Rumors have it that sibling Taiwan has filed for emancipation from both parents and plans to abscond with little Senkaku Diaoyu. 

© 2012