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Hugo Chavez's Body Enshrined in the Hall of Chubby Communists

Mr. Chavez, modelling the Dolce Gabbana 'Tarchiato', perfectly accented by the dictator's double-wide sash. <>

The body of the late Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez was brought to Russia today to be interred with the remains of other big-boned socialist revolutionaries in Moscow's majestic Hall of Chubby Communists.  Here Chavez will become part of a veritable pantheon of pudgy Marxists including such greats as Kim Il-Sung, Pol "Pot Belly" Pot, Nicolae Ceausescu, and Mao Zedong.

"We are absolutely delighted to be receiving Mr. Chavez's remains" enthused HCC spokesman Sergei Zhukov.  "We believe that nothing demonstrates the bounty created by socialist agricultural policy better than an obese but definitely not bourgeois national icon."

Zhukov went on to explain the HCC's selective admissions criteria.  "We've got no place for pretty boys like Che Guevara or Ho Chi 'Slim'.  No sir, to be buried here you have to be Red, Dead, and Overfed.  Do you know how difficult it is to get fat when most of your country's population is standing in a bread line?  These men are heroes, all."

He continued to comment that the mausoleum's intake has been limited since the fall of the Berlin Wall.  "When the first McDonald's came to Moscow, I thought our ship had come in" muttered Zhukov, holding back tears.  "Then one year later the Soviet Union collapsed."

Despite the End of the Cold War and the dwindling number of communist regimes worldwide, Zhukov vows to steadfastly maintain the memorial.  "There's still hope" he whispered, gesturing to funerary niches prepared for the eventual deaths of Kim Jong-un, Mikhail Gorbachev, and Michael Moore.  "There's always hope."

© 2013