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Privileged White Dude Accepted to Class of 2020 Seriously Reconsidering Gap Year Plans

GREENWICH, CT--Having just completed his transaction to purchase an expensive trip to Uganda, Harvard College Class of 2020 admit Kennedy Marcus is now seriously reconsidering his decision to take a gap year. 

Malia Obama to Doze Off in Expos 20, But Not Until 2017

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Malia Obama, the daughter of President Barack Obama and First Lady Michelle Obama, has to decided to doze off a little in Expos 20: Darwinian Dating after taking one gap year. The decision to defer acceptance to Harvard College is undertaken by around 100 students per year, who decide for a variety of reasons to wait one year before eventually falling asleep in their respective 20-level expository writing classes.