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Listicle: That’s Facts

That's facts.

365 days in a year? That's facts.

The telephonic transmission of scanned printed material to a telephone number connected to a printer? That's fax.

A food and fiber crop cultivated in cooler regions of the world? That's flax.

A woman whose cancer cells are immortal? That's Lacks.

Inclinations or natural gifts for things? That's knacks.

A break or opening in something? That's cracks.

Man spending every day trying to rationalize how he's married to Kristen Bell? That's Dax.

Small colorful sharp dots? That's tacks.

A lightweight curved lens for correcting vision? That's contacts.

A global investment banking and investment management firm with various financial services? That's Sachs.

A commercial service that provides vehicle history reports? That's Carfax.

A body spray that makes you smell like you’re flammable? That’s Axe.

Wine storage, alternatively a woman's breasts? That's racks.

A computerized way to express human emotions? That's reaccs.
9 shots deep on a Friday night? That's yaks.
Tibetan pack animal? That's also yaks.
Shiny portable computing devices with a glowing apple logo? That's Macs.
The reason America declared independence? That's tax.
What's salmon, salmon and salmon all over? That's slacks.
A period of peace that is often considered the golden age of the Roman Empire? That’s Pax.
A lipophilic, malleable solid, typically with a melting point above 40 C? That’s wax.
Nicholson, Donaghy, Kennedy, Daniels, Skellington, London, or Black? That’s Jacks.
A brassy tune played at a military funeral? That's taps.

The debonair tenor sentenced to death in Gilbert and Sullivan’s storied operetta Yeoman of the Guard? That’s Colonel Fairfax.
Multiple commemorations to the dead? That's plaques.
The ice cream flavor that runs out first on Sundae Sundays? That's moose tracks.
Scum of the earth, disease-carrying little shits? That’s rats.
Scum of the earth, disease-carrying little shits, but like, with wings? That’s bats.
"But I don't know what I'm doing this summer yet"? That's you should relax.
Small shitty houses? That’s shacks.
A basketball too big for your tiny hands? That’s Shaq’s.
A group of wolves hunting together in a supportive unit? That's packs. 
A clouding effect in the lens of your eye? That's cataracts. 
The means by which you navigate from point A to point B? That's maps. 
The stress gets to be too much? That's collapse.
WASPy sport? That's lax.
Proper reaction to seeing a mole? That's whacks.
Finally working on the important stuff? That's brass tax.
Shawtys looking really fly? That's snaccs.
The medical injection my mom won't let me get? That's vax.
Ruining the American political system? That's PACs.
Where to have sex before you graduate? The stacks.
Duck sounds? That’s quacks.
Unqualified doctors? That's also quacks. 
A lonely eight-year-old boy who sails away to an island inhabited by creatures known as the "Wild Things"? That's Max.
The Northern Highlands of Kurdistan? That’s Iraq’s.
When you lose unfairly in an online video game? That's hax.
The verb for the controversial process that uses liquid to push oil out of the ground? That's fracks.
Areas of indefinite extended, typically large ones? That’s tracts.
Niagra, Victoria, and Angel Falls? That's cataracts. 
Porn star on the show Parks and Recreation? That’s Brandi Maxxxx.
The boy jumped happily? Happily, the boy jumped? The boy happily jumped? That's varied syntax! 
Instrument that just exudes sex? That's sax.
Who speaks to the trees for the trees have no tongues? That's the Lorax. 
Bacterial infection caused by Bacillus anthracis? That’s anthrax.
Muscular secondary character in Guardians of the Galaxy who doesn’t comprehend sarcasm? That’s Drax.
Who fights Greece (and grease)? Ajax.
That goddamn powder mom would sneak into chocolate milk? That's Miralax.
I know you are but what am I? That's comebacks.

Artificial fruit-flavored cereal? That's Apple Jacks.

What your grandma calls your "nice pants"? That's slacks.

How college students file taxes? That's Turbotax.

Pushpins you would leave on teachers' seats in elementary school? That’s thumb tacks.
Delicious drink suburban soccer moms down on vacation? That’s strawberry daiqs.
Must-do before GTA V joy-riding? That's carjacks.
Puts items in a bag before traveling? That's packs.
Route 12 is blocked? That's Snorlax.
You have theological extensions? That's tracts.
A medium-sized old-world monkey? That's Macaques.
Right about to come? That's climax.
Detergent to kill ants? That's Borax.
A postmodern Derrida? That's Jacques.
Physical size constraints for cargo vessels traveling through the Panama Canal? That's Panamax.
The underwhelming 1995 series finale of the beloved ABC sitcom Full House? That's anticlimax.
Agreements forged in the fires of friendship? That's pacts.
A part of a play defined by elements such as rising action, climax, and resolution? That’s acts.
Everyone’s use of proper grammatical structure and vocabulary to make these phrases rhyme? That’s lax.
Prone to bad posture and oily acne? That’s backs.
What you eat at midnight only to regret later in the morning? That’s snacks.
Lookin’ through piles of old photos? That's Kodaks.
Wanna post a #tbt on Instagram? Thats throwbacks.
Want to get drunk quickly and cheaply? Buy six-packs.
Nail polish won’t come off? That’s shellacs.
Having trouble hearing the television? That’s earwax.
Don’t fuck with gluten? That's Celiacs.
Creative DIY uses for household objects? That’s life hacks.
Image credit: Change Factory
© 2018