365 days in a year? That's facts.

The telephonic transmission of scanned printed material to a telephone number connected to a printer? That's fax.

A food and fiber crop cultivated in cooler regions of the world? That's flax.

A woman whose cancer cells are immortal? That's Lacks.

Inclinations or natural gifts for things? That's knacks.

A break or opening in something? That's cracks.

Man spending every day trying to rationalize how he's married to Kristen Bell? That's Dax.

Small colorful sharp dots? That's tacks.

1) How about this one? Yeah, that's some respect right there.

2) How about this? This is respect.

Hey seniors (and mortals)! Check out these totally mind-blowing facts about graduation and, more importantly, the Apocalypse:

1) You are leaving behind your old life.

This is a major milestone in your life, but it can be rather bittersweet. You’ll never have another experience like college, so leaving behind everything that you once knew can be scary. Especially when you are leaving it behind as your soul is lifted from your earthly body and you transcend into the sweet bliss of eternity.

Hi friends,

As many of you know, mumps may or may not be back on campus. Your neighborhood HealthPALs and HUHS are here to make sure people stay healthy, especially after visiting family and while preparing for finals. In order to help you stay safe and be informed, we present these Five Myths and Facts about Mumps: 

You want cake batter, treat us like we matter!

We cook your food, we make your meals, we just want a honey-graham-square deal!

No justice, no peas!

Low wages means no potato wedges!

If you want the buns, then cough up the dough!

You put us in a pickle, now make us a dill!

Strogaknock this off!

Sunflower butter doesn't make this better!

You want celery? We want salary! 

What's leafy, green, and good for you? Dollar bills and paychecks, too!

Your curly fries ain't curling when you strike with signs a-twirling. 

With the discovery that shifts in the Earth's axis have made the constellation Ophiuchus a thirteenth sign of the Zodiac, astronomers and astrologers alike in a tizzy. These new revelations have made it eminently clear that everything we thought we knew about ourselves, our fellow man, and our universe is utter bullshit. In an attempt to assuage these concerns, NASA has released official new horoscope readings for all thirteen signs.

Aquarius

Nepotism

The Clitoris

Trickle-Down

Diversity 

Foreplay

Party

Harmless

Business-Casual

No

Middle Class

Trust

Anachronism

Bike Room

Secret

Opinion Piece

Probability 

Property

Reservations at the Dorsia

Open door policy

PC Culture

Pork