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Anscombe Society Launches “Kleenex Are for Noses” Campaign

HUDS has refused to corroborate Society claims of random assault on University meat supplies.

The Harvard Anscombe Society has announced the beginning of its long-anticipated public awareness campaign to combat the perceived misuse of tissues on campus.

 “It has come to our attention,” said vice-president of the Anscombe Society Stacey Mingram during this morning’s press conference, “That certain students on campus are using Kleenex for something other than their intended purpose.”

 The Society claims that not only is such mishandling immoral in and of itself, but that it can also serve as a gateway to more extreme deviant behaviors.

 “I’ve heard of five counts of animal abuse in Wigglesworth alone,” said new member Jonathan Wheeler, freshman. “I don’t know where they’re getting these chickens, or why they’re choking them, but it needs to stop.”

 “It’s a sticky situation,” said Mingram. “On the one hand, you’ve got…well, you know.”

 Club members have already produced a number of TV and radio spots to promote tissue abstinence, and have recently unveiled a line of commemorative pins and t-shirts bearing the campaign’s “Blow Your Nose, Not Your Load” slogan. Though the campaign is focused primarily on brand-name Kleenex facial tissues, the Society also plans to address the abuse of college-ruled paper, campus shower facilities, and old copies of The Crimson. 

© 2013