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BREAKING: 100% of Non-Existent Internships Cancelled

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The wide-reaching announcement includes "falsified", "mentally conjured", and "hypothetically-possible" internships as well.

CAMBRIDGE, MA - In a letter to all undergraduate students, the OCS sadly announced that all “imaginary or fabricated internships” have been put on hold for summer 2020 due to COVID-19, without elaborating on remote possibilities. This news comes after the Office of International Education, along with many prestigious tech and finance firms, have cancelled their 2020 internships.

Sophomore Jean Klein said she was deeply surprised by the news and wondered whether she could still tell people she’d “probably be working on a campaign this summer.”

Similarly, Computer Science Student Jeff Bollinger ’20 complained, “Had I known, I wouldn’t have gone through so many tech interviews only to get rejected and have to make up fake start-up names when people ask about summer plans.”

The house career tutors see this as an opportunity to help students find “real internships.” They will continue hosting Zoom Office Hours but also begin implementing fact-checking services.

Eliana Dworkin ’21 came into Saturday’s Winthrop Pre-career office hours crying - she had just lost her editorial internship at the literary magazine: Vegan Milk and Honey. While she couldn’t direct her tutors to the magazine’s website or Linkedin profile, she claimed that they were willing to pay her $.0001/hr, which was higher than any of her previous offers.

Upon later reflection, Klein ’22 said she was actually “kind of relieved. I can now officially claim that my internship was cancelled due to unforeseeable circumstances.”

© 2020