and entering

BREAKING: Lowell Bell Ringers Learn New Song

"Too much horrified to speak/They can only shriek, shriek/Out of tune"--Edgar Allen Poe upon brunching in Lowell House

Cambridge, MA--After twenty fucking years of playing the same goddamn shit, Harvard's illustrious Lowell Bell Ringers have learned a new song.

"Though we really love butchering 'Lord of the Dance' to the point of unrecognizablity,we decided there are other obscure biblical hymns out there to disturb the peace of the day with," explained sophomore and inconsiderate asshole James Russell.

Through many months of intense debate, the group finally decided against "Row Your Boat," finding it too complicated for the 17 notes of auditorial bullshit that they unload in our ears when we ARE TRYING TO JUST FUCKING CHILL. The group finally decided on Peter Cornelius's "Ein Ton," a song consisting of the note B repeated over 80 times in 30 bars.

"This is pretty fucking obnoxious," noted Lowell House Master Diana Eck.

On the bells' role in disturbing the peace of the Sabbath, Jesus Christ commented, "Forgive them Lord, they know not what they do."

© 2015