CAMBRIDGE, MA – Canaday resident Andrew Wong, Class of 2016, appallingly cannot seem to understand why Canaday is so bad. Despite living in freshman dormitory Canaday Hall, widely accepted as the ugliest, least comfortable, and overall most terrible dorm, Wong is confused by its “bad rap.”

“Everyone’s always like ‘oh you live in Canaday that must suck,’ but I’m like, it really isn’t that bad. It isn’t, right?” said Wong when questioned about his place of residence. Wong says he receives “awkward sympathetic break intakes” an average of four times a day, almost every time he informs another student of his dorm location. “They make it seem like it’s so terrible, but I actually love it. The carpets are great. Wonderful view,” adds Wong, looking down at his shoes.

Columbia Professor of Psychology Enid Rosenburg says Wong’s insistence on his dorm’s adequacy shows class symptoms of post-traumatic denial. “He appears to be deeply suppressing all of his feelings telling him just how abominably awful it is for him to live in Canaday. Every time he walks through the yard, he looks at the 16 other clearly superior, more beautiful dorms, and every time his denial kicks in.” Added Rosenburg, “If your dorm’s only claim to fame is being riot-proof, you’ve got to be in denial to like it.”

But Wong’s insistence continues. Friends have noticed a recent surge in Canaday-related stories in conversations with Wong, hearing more and more consistent anecdotes arbitrarily referring to the “awesome-ness” of the dorm. “He’ll always finish a story saying ‘and then I went back to my kick-ass dorm at a great location’ or ‘yeah it was a pretty crazy night in the best dorm ever that I love.’ It’s really weird,” described friend and Grays resident Gus Freedman.

“Wait but actually it’s really not so terrible. I love it. Yeah I love it,” added Wong, before breaking down in tears.