CAMBRIDGE, MA- Last night, the College Events Board announced the 2019 Yardfest artists: Bazzi as headliner featuring an entire handle of Bacardi as the opener.

Commenting on the headliner, Katie R. Jones ‘20 said “Bazzi has that one meme song right? Is he a Youtuber?”

When pressed for comment the CEB team member stated: “We understand the campus reaction. It’s been a slow music year- everything is like, too slow to actually dance to. We just wanted someone with name recognition, nevermind the music, because we had already determined the opener.” 

The opener this year, arguably more important than the headliner when the headliner is Bazzi, has been decreed to be an entire handle of Bacardi. Upon the announcement, campus sentiment quickly shifted from quiet grumbles to unabated enthusiasm.

“The opener is Bacardi? Oh fuck yeah!” said Tommy L. Mackey ‘21. “Who cares who the headliner is when I’ll inevitably be too blasted to hear or understand the words!”

Other students echoed Mackey’s sentiments. “Yardfest has music?” said Jane K. Blan ‘22. “I thought it was just administration-endorsed day drinking. Oh yeah, and I’m super happy that we’ll be drinking Bacardi instead of like, Svedka. Svedka isn’t even in the Top 40.”

After looking at Bazzi’s Spotify and visibly cringing, several students were witnessed closing their laptops to go peruse the Bacardi selection at C'est Bon Market & Liquors to brush up for April 17th.