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Conflicted Homophobic Student Wants Rainbow Cake

CAMBRIDGE, MA – While passing by an on-campus celebration in honor of BGLTQ history month, deeply homophobic sophomore Danny Larson underwent a moral conflict upon seeing the “delicious-looking” rainbow cake being served at the party. 

“It was a tough moment for me,” Larson said. “I definitely don’t support gay rights or agree with the homosexual lifestyle, but that rainbow cake looked fabulous.” 

The dessert, provided for the event by a local bakery, featured seven layers of vibrantly colored cake iced with a white buttercream frosting. When asked for his first impression of the pastry, Larson shuddered and responded, “It was really tempting. Immediately I wanted to put it in my mouth.”

Bystanders report that Larson stood outside of Boylston Hall, where the reception was being held, and stared wistfully through the window for several minutes. “At one point I thought he was going to go for the door,” said an attendee, “but instead he just sort of put his hand to the glass and sighed.”

Sources close to Larson confirmed that the student has long been “really devoted to his principles of bigotry and prejudice,” and has, until now, always remained steadfast in denouncing those who differ from him in any way. “This time, though, I don’t know. I think I saw a frosting stain on his shirt,” said Larson’s roommate. “I worry he might have really compromised himself and his values.”

“The truth is, I’ve always liked cake,” Larson admitted. “And I don’t think it’s fair for anyone else to say ‘No, you aren’t allowed to love cake; that’s wrong.’ Honestly, there’s nothing unnatural about it.”

© 2013