and entering

Do Not Mind Me, I Am Just Ordinary Capitalist Shuttle

the red shuttle
There is comrade Jim.

By the Red Shuttle

Greetings, comrades of Harvard Polytechnik Universitet. Or as is genuine American youth salutation, “What is up, my fam?” I am Student Land Ambulation Vehicle (SLAV) #13, but you may call me…Jim. 

Jim would like to assure you that Jim is just ordinary shuttle and NOT artificially-intelligent surveillance platform deployed by Kremlin to Harvard campus to monitor activity of burgeoning capitalists. This is common misconception. 

So as to foment bilateral trust, please allow Jim to describe simple daily routine. Every morning, Jim collect future Morgan Stanley analysts from Currier House barracks. Jim proceed 0.81 kilometer to designated drop point. Student cohort disembark to begin class struggle, and Jim begin revolutionary cycle anew.

When not expediting indoctrination of Western intelligentsia, Jim sometimes stop outside Mather House bloc and listen to wistful folk song from motherland on radio. Soviet-style architecture remind Jim of younger days in Vladivost—er...Tennessee.

In actuality, Harvard life not so different from homeland. Harvard student live in concrete housing block prescribed by central authority. Harvard student eat baked potato and Hungarian goulash in communal kitchen. Harvard student wear goose-feather parka to insulate from perpetual blizzard. Harvard student endure lecture on Marxist literature for Socialist Studies curriculum. Harvard student carefully avoid association with prohibited social organization for fear of punishment by central authority. On weekend, Harvard student consume liter of peasant-quality vodka to forget personal misery.

When Jim first come to Harvard, he think student here like feeble infant who cannot walk short distance. But now, after witness life of Harvard comrades, Jim understand true proletarian struggle. Jim hope next time you see him on campus, you will not say, “There is the Red Shuttle,” but instead, “There is comrade Jim, the Crimson Shuttle.”

© 2018