and entering

Final Clubs Reveal Yardfest Headliner: 80-Foot Luxury Yachty

Lil' Yachty and boat
"What's a party without a yacht? Seriously, I actually do not know," Marmot said.
CAMBRIDGE, MA— After months of anticipation leading up to the announcement, the final clubs banded together to announce that the 2018 Yardfest headliner will be the rapper 80-Foot Luxury Yachty. He is a prolific musician known for hit singles like “iWant (an iPhoneX),” “Brocollini,” and “One Percent.”

Breaking from tradition, this year’s Yardfest will be held in the spacious, grassy yard behind the former home of The Bee. USGSOCEB committee member Fitzgerald Q. Fitzwillams ’19 noted that the committee had also booked a performance from Wale, “not to be confused with Fahx, Fly, or Ohwl.”

Student reactions to this year’s headliners were mixed. Spee member Prudence R. Citronella '20 complained, “I thought they’d pick someone with a bigger name, like Lil Private Island or even Lil Château.”
Delphic member Coriander T. Marmot ’18, on the other hand, enthused, "I love that Yachty is 20 years old. It's so relatable because that’s the number of millions of dollars my future grandchildren will likely inherit.” 
At press time, the Porcellian Club was wondering where to house 80-Foot Luxury Yachty during his stay given the tragic news that the sailing center is sinking.
© 2018