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Fox Grad Board to Recognize Females as 3/5ths of Member

Fox club graphic
A helpful graphic included in the Fox's statement to female members.

CAMBRIDGE, MA - After months of long, drawn-out debate, the Fox Graduate Board announced today that they would be willing to provisionally recognize female members. In a landmark statement issued to SatireV, the president of the graduate board Philip P. Pondswater III announced that following months of deliberation on integration, the Fox would recognize female members as three fifths of a member. 

“While we were initially hesitant to welcome women into our club, we’ve realized that Harvard has given us no other alternative but to change with the times,” remarked Pondswater. “We hope that this will not change the tone of our organization, or the rich culture we’ve worked to build over the years.” 

Months after the lock-out and disagreement over the club house, the graduate board and members have reached a solution they refer to as the Fox “compromise”. While female members are still disappointed, they feel it isn’t their place to speak out and are simply glad that they are moving towards equality.

While the agreement has been accepted by most, there are rumors that a handful of graduate board members are considering secession from the college and that some would rather have no club at all than permit women to have equal rights in the Fox.

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