and entering

HUDS Strikers Build Guillotine in Harvard Square

The new strike headquarters.

Cambridge, MA – Following the arrests of 11 Union members last weekend, Harvard Dining Hall Strikers are raising the stakes, quite literally, by setting out stakes for the scalps of the HMC Bourgeoisie and constructing a makeshift guillotine between CVS and CVS.

“We didn’t think, when we put this part in the strike plan, it would ever actually get that far,” Union Leader James Gregson told us. “To be honest, it was kind of suggested as a joke. But we need to show the university we’re serious, and this seemed like the most logical next step.”

“I would say, ‘Let them eat cake,’” Harvard Human Resources VP Marilyn Hausammann told Satire V, “but, tee hee, we already filled the dining hall with store bought cakes after we ran out of other desserts.” Hausammann was about to say more, but she then collapsed in a fit of giggles.

Meanwhile, strike workers slowly marched about the newly-constructed decapitation machine, forlornly singing, “I served pork loin in time gone by…When pay was high and health insuring…I served a sweet potato fry…I served omelets that were alluring….”

“Nowhere in our mandatory training did we cover anything about a guillotine, so it’s probably not explicitly against our contracts,” Gregson rationalized. “STORM THE BOYLSTILLE! Sorry, got a little excited there. What were we saying?”

Though it is unconfirmed, Satire V has also received reports that Drew Faust has fled to a Harvard-owned “Summer Administration Building” on a winery in France. 

© 2016