“I was hoping that Todd [Lambert] and Lizzy [also Lambert, uncomfortably] would have worked their issues out by now,” said Wang, who first met the Lamberts moving in freshman year. The couple, Wang recalls, had fought about whether or not to buy Jason a minifridge, which ended with both screaming and tears. 

“I thought I had sensed some sparks during freshman move-in,” said Wang about the couple, who had divorced in 2009 after a complex affair, that details of which “Jason never really wanted to talk about.”

“It must have been a miscarriage. Yeah, miscarriage is hard,” said Wang, who has no understanding of the situation.

According to Wang, Lambert, who was the one who had originally introduced his mother to his history teacher-soon-to-be-stepparent, was “surprisingly unhelpful” with cleaning the room. “We need to get this trash downstairs, but Jason is too busy practicing smiling without crying,” said Wang as he hurriedly hid bottles of malt liquor, only to realize he was now 21 and could probably just leave them out.

At press time, Wang was wondering which of the Lambert parent dinners he would be invited to. “I don’t know if I can do Tanjore twice again. This is always such a tough weekend for me.”