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Katie Lapp Trapped in New Harvard Square Public Restroom

Katie Lapp, trapped in the Harvard Square public restroom, never stops putting her life on the line for Harvard students. It's kind of unbelievable, actually.

CAMBRIDGE, MA -- According to a recent email sent out to the students, faculty, and staff, Katie Lapp, Executive Vice President of Harvard University, is currently trapped within the new public toilet in Harvard Square.

“Dear members of the Harvard community,” reads the email, which was sent over the campus-notify email list, “While monitoring the status of the Harvard campus following several instances of severe winter weather, I entered the new, free-standing public restroom in Harvard Square for a brief respite from the bleak wind. However, when I tried to exit again, I found that the door would not open.”

Lapp, who supervises the financial, administrative, human resources, campus services, planning and project management, development in Allston, health services, information technology, and diversity functions of the University, repeatedly called out for help to assorted passersby, students, and tourists who were crossing into the Yard from the intersection of Massachusetts Avenue and Garden Street. However, none of them heard her calls, due to the volume of the frigid gusts beating upon their ears.  She managed to successfully send out the email from her phone right before she heard a mysterious sound and the ground gave out beneath her.  

“I feel the ground trembling beneath me, and some subterranean force is making the faucet shift to the side,” she wrote, adding that she thought she saw a small snake insignia on the tap. “We will continue to closely monitor the forecast. Updates will also be posted to the Harvard Emergency page and 866-496-NEWS.”  The message was promptly sent again by the FAS Emergency Notification System and forwarded by Leslie Kirwan, Dean for Administration and Finance at the Faculty of Arts and Sciences; three House Deans at the College; several dozen other administrators; and the 2016 Senior Class Committee.

Harvard authorities met with City of Cambridge officials to discuss the missing administrator, but the latter remained stony-faced and unsympathetic to the Executive Vice President’s plight. Currently, Harvard Campus Services personnel are inspecting the premises around the public toilet, writing small notes on scraps of paper, and flushing them in the hopes that they will reach Lapp.

Image Source: Harvard Magazine

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