CAMBRIDGE, MA – According to a recent email sent out to the students, faculty, and staff, Katie Lapp, Executive Vice President of Harvard University, is currently trapped in the my.harvard sign in page.

CAMBRIDGE, MA – According to a recent email sent out to the students, faculty, and staff, Katie Lapp, Executive Vice President of Harvard University, is currently trapped under a pile of strategizing turkeys. 

Currently, the Harvard Corporation is searching for a successor to President Drew G. Faust, who announced her plans to step down after the 2017-2018 academic year. The Satire V editorial board has unanimously voted to endorse Executive Vice President Katie Lapp—known for her management skills as well as getting trapped under various things—to succeed Faust as University President.

1.     “You may drop off donations at some open house locations.” 

2.     “When I go to clubs I don’t have to wait outside.”  

3.     “When I go to final clubs I don’t have to wait outside.” 

4.     “Eustace! What is that strange contraption? It’s got the likeness of a horse carriage made of tin!”

5.     “Counting all this bread I don’t talk to feds”

6.     “Counting all this bread I don’t talk to HUDS workers”

7.     “I do this for my squad, I do this for my gang, it’s Zoovie from the trap and ain’t a damn thing change”

CAMBRIDGE, MA – According to a recent email sent out to the students, faculty, and staff of Harvard University, Executive Vice President Katie Lapp is currently trapped under a pile of Ec1017 Bluebooks.

CAMBRIDGE, MA -- According to a recent email sent out to the students, faculty, and staff, Katie Lapp, Executive Vice President of Harvard University, is currently trapped beneath the Fallen Angels after their annual concert last night in Sanders Theatre.

CAMBRIDGE, MA -- According to a recent email sent out to the students, faculty, and staff, Katie Lapp, Executive Vice President of Harvard University, is currently trapped underneath a pile of memories.

CAMBRIDGE, MA -- According to a recent email sent out to the students, faculty, and staff, Katie Lapp, Executive Vice President of Harvard University, is currently trapped in February 29.