and entering

Lampoon Writers Excited for Annual Campus Relevance

The Lampoon "Castle"
Oh that's clever, they made a fake website too. Wait they do this every year? Huh.

CAMBRIDGE, MA — Writers on the staff of the Harvard Lampoon, a local group of mostly sullen white men, expressed excitement Tuesday as they basked in the glow of their annual instance of campus relevance.

"Ordinarily, only weird high schoolers and our families read what we write," said Lampoon President Mark V. Steinbach '17, taking time away from participating in the organized harassment of aspiring writers to speak to reporters. "But when we publish our yearly Crimson parody, woo boy! That's a rush!"

On any other day, the Lampoon's presence in undergraduate life is marked by unread copies of their magazine piling up in dorm hallways, a Sorrento Square castle that is hopefully paid off by now, and Harvard's general sense of pretension. 

"Just Narthex things," said Lampoon Narthex Thomas B. Waddick '17 when asked what he does the other 364 days out of the year. "It's funny because you don't know what it means, but I do!" added Waddick before leaping in the air, shouting "yippee" like an excited bridge troll, and fleeing.  Other attempts to contact Poonsters ended similarly, and reporters’ attempts to enter the Lampoon castle were thwarted by a stinging miasma of weed and sweat.

Student reaction was amused, but tepid. "I don't think I've ever read a Lampoon piece before. Do they publish online? I've heard they do pranks," said Winthrop sophomore Lenny Giles '19. Giles chuckled to himself before returning to forgetting the Lampoon exists until the next time they try to kill Jimmy Fallon. 

At press time, Crimson editors were working round the clock to come up with a witty response.

© 2017