and entering

Loud Marxist in Section Doesn't Actually Give a Shit About Class Oppression

man on laptop
Lessin, masterfully editing a Marx meme

CAMBRIDGE, MA—Sources say Philosophy concentrator and loud Marxist Matt P. Lessin ’19 doesn't actually give a shit about class oppression. 

That does not stop Lessin—whose parents both have Ph.Ds and make a combined annual income of over $250,000—from reportedly speaking during every single “Marx and Marxism” lecture, regardless of whether he has opened the readings. 

“Every time he raises his hand, he makes some inane comment about ‘late capitalism’ or, even worse, references a section of Hegel we’ve never read,” says Anna L. Fine ’18, a Social Studies concentrator. “But when I ask him whether he is attending the next Student Labor Action Movement meeting, he always says he’s ‘too busy’ reading about dialectical materialism to go.” 

Instead of lending his support to workers' strikes going on in Boston, Lessin spends all of his time commenting “i feel personally attacked by this relatable content” on philosophy memes posted on T H E O R Y is my ""praxis""—a Facebook page for men on the internet who skimmed Foucault’s Discipline and Punish and decided they were the shit.   

Besides toting his new Norton second edition Marx-Engels Reader everywhere he goes, Lessin’s hobbies include writing avant-garde poetry, which he considers a form of resistance against the totalitarian system of mass culture. Sources say his poetry is just blacked-out copies of The New York Times that reveal the word “fascism.” He also takes notes on an $80 traveler-edition Moleskine, which he fills with strange drawings of Slovenian philosopher Slavoj Zizek. 

At press time, Lessin was seen mansplaining how gender inequality is entirely reducible to capitalism to a woman in his section. 

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