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Most Confident Man Alive Eats Full Meal in Class

Like he just crawled out of the desert and hasn't seen food in 40 days.

CAMBRIDGE, MA - As Jason Lennon 20’ committed his usual massacre of 18 hard boiled eggs and a cruciferous vegetable assembly during his 9am lecture on "The Responsibilities of Public Action", the brunch’s miasmic vapor caused Jason to be the most hated person in the room while simultaneously ruining the carpeting in Emerson 210 for the rest of eternity.

Jason Lennon 20’ is infamously known in the lecture hall community for his ability to bring multi-course meals to class. The varsity hockey-lacrosse-basketball star attributes his success in athletics to being able to consume massive quantities of food in public without giving a single fuck.

Doctors have confirmed that Jason’s body is indeed an actual temple and agree that he must consume an eight-pound amalgamation of lard soaked, plastic wrapped lunch meats every ten minutes or else he will perish into a pile of ash and weakness. Those sitting in close proximity to Mr. Lennon note that on average he will choke at least twice during the 75-minute lecture. 

Jason is best known for his work at ruining both funerals and weddings. He claims he once brought a live turkey to his mother’s funeral, broke its neck, and then continued to eat the entire bird, feathers included. “My mother loved that her full time job was to feed, care and clean up after me, so I knew she would have wanted me to interrupt the ceremony celebrating the end of her life by eating a large bird I found while driving to the procession” Lennon remarked while tearing up.

Another student in the class, Emily Paquin, who was attempting to quietly unwrap a Hershey’s kiss in the back of the room was asked to leave on account of the magnetic resonance in the aluminum foil, which could potentially distract her fellow classmates.

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