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Naked and Afraid: Confused TF Mistakes Grad Student Strike for Grad Student Streak

Day 1 of the Graduate Student strike in Harvard Yard
Pictured out of frame: Johnson, 11 miles per hour


CAMBRIDGE, MA - Earlier this month, the Harvard Graduate Student Union-United Auto Workers planned a strike to take place on December 3rd, 2019. However, local graduate student David Johnson was utterly shocked when he showed up to the strike nude, having misread “strike” as “streak” in all of the emails he had received.

The protestors congregated in Harvard Yard, and at noon when the head organizer shouted “let’s start”, Johnson stripped down to his bare bottoms and took off running. “I thought that we were finally getting our very own Primal Scream,” Johnson said. “It was a little strange that we were doing it in broad daylight, but I figured we just wanted the beams of sunlight to glisten on our cold naked bodies as we ran.”

Upon realizing his error, rather than going home, Johnson allegedly began pretending he was naked as a form of protest. He quickly scribbled a phrase on a picket sign, reading “Yes I am nude and I won’t be subdued.” Sources say runners up were “Admit you are wrong or look at my dong” and “Won’t put on pants 'til you give us a chance.” Other graduate students were relieved when he "tentatively agreed" to obscure his "package" with the picket sign for a minute or two.

Onlookers were reportedly impressed by Johnson’s creative protest. One tourist noted that it was “impressive how Johnson weaved a narrative of vulnerability through his display. He made the clear, unrelenting statement that Harvard was paying graduate students too little to even buy clothes for the rough winter months.”

At press time, Harvard Divest members were spotted running onto the Harvard basketball court naked.

Image Credit: Harvard Graduate Students Union - UAW, Facebook


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