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Sober Student Unable to Locate Kong

Cambridge, MA-- The dinner plans of Chris DeMarco ‘16 and his roommates hit a snag early Thursday evening when the Quincy sophomore realized he could not recall the location of Harvard Square’s Hong Kong Restaurant while not in a state of complete intoxication.

“I’m pretty sure it’s in, like, the yellow-tinted part of campus,” a befuddled DeMarco posited to his equally confused friends while consulting the online campus map for the first time since the fall semester of his freshman year at Harvard. 

“I don’t remember too much of what’s on the menu, but it’s gotta be a great place to eat, right?” he continued, reassuring his friends that he had “chowed down there a time or two.”

DeMarco, in fact, has visited the restaurant a combined total of 78 times since arriving on campus last fall, but never in a dining party with an average blood alcohol content lower than .15.

“No, it’s not anywhere around here,” concluded the student as the Quincy residents stopped to examine the storefronts on Mount Auburn Street. “I remember the street lights being a lot fuzzier.”

The sophomore has even established himself as a well-known patron among the Kong’s wait staff. Presented with his picture, however, a weekend server at the establishment was unable to cease laughing long enough to expound upon her interactions with DeMarco. 

“Are you sure you guys have never been there?” the increasingly frustrated restaurant-seeker asked his blockmates as they traversed the Yard for the third time that evening. His two companions have dined at the Kong on 23 and 37 occasions, respectively.

Resigned that the location of the eatery was simply unknowable, DeMarco and company concluded they would “just hit up some Tasty Burger.” At press time, the group was halfway to Central Square.


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© 2013