SatireV

Breaking

and entering

Middle East

Drew Faust Announces...Wait, I'm Better Than Writing About Final Clubs, Right?

ALEPPO, SYRIA–-Two days ago, Islamist rebels seized the village of Khan Touman, which resulted in 73 deaths and violated the ceasefire in the city of Aleppo recently brokered by the United States and Russia. The battle subsided merely a few hours before the President of Harvard University, Drew Gilpin Faust, issued a statement citing consequences for students participating in unrecognized single-gender social organizations on campus. Wait...no, that's not right.