SatireV

Breaking

and entering

Neil Gorsuch

No Matter How Hard I Try, I Can’t Get Lasers to Shoot Out of My Eyes

I have degrees from Columbia, Harvard, and Oxford. I have clerked for two Supreme Court Justices. I have served on the U.S. Court of Appeals Tenth Circuit for ten years. But no matter how hard I try, I can’t get laser beams to shoot out of my eyes.