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It's Not Easy Being An Environmentalist

Woman in fedora faces away from camera and looks out on a scene of grass and trees
I may be IN focus, but Earth is THE focus

You. Stop scrolling. Yes, you. Because I have something to say. Ever since I was a child, I've loved the Earth. Sure, call me granola, but I can see its true beauty. Earth is magical. Earth gives us what we need to survive. Like water. And waterfalls. Salad. Almond milk. Corn mazes. Earth made those. Earth made everything.

That is why, one day a year, I celebrate the Earth. No, it's not like a birthday post where I look good and my friend is mid-sneeze. This is an Earth day post, because I am a really good person, and because Earth deserves a birthday celebration too (that is what this is for, right?). Either way, in this slideshow of me looking hot on a mountain in Switzerland and eating steak tartare in a Hawaiian lagoon, I'm not the only one who looks hot af. Earth looks pretty cute too. If anything, Earth has actually gotten way, way hotter over the past few years. 

Unlike you, I speak out. Meaning, I post 10 pictures of me around the world to show that, despite big corporations' pollution, I am still very, very conventionally attractive and well-traveled to lots of global outdoor landmarks. After all, the best way to fight global warming is to hop on a fuel-intensive jet and swim with baby dolphins in Cancun. Because I care. Because I'm willing to do the work.

So, Earth-haters, keep scrolling. Did Greta Thunburg even share a photo of her smizing with a lion on private safari? Yeah, didn't think so. While you all sit complicit, the real environmentalists are out here making change. You're welcome. 

Oh, one more thing— if you don't comment with the heart eyes emoji, I will unfollow you. Not because of Earth, just because I don't have time for that shit.

© 2021