and entering

Why is a Card-Carrying Homosexual Marxist from Arkansas with Pre-Existing Health Conditions Running Gus and Sam’s Campaign?

Let me tell you about some of my heroes and why they should work together. 

The Crimson, which published a recent article on UC Presidential and Vice-Presidential candidates Gus Mayopoulos and Sam Clark, is Harvard’s oldest student-run publication.  It was founded in 1873, you most likely know it from articles such as “Harvard-Allston Task Force Debates Community Benefits Priorities”, “Allston Residents Divided on Benefits Package”, “The Benefits Package Unpacked”.

Sam Clark and Gus Mayopoulos are my other heroes, because they have the spirit, the ideas, and the gumption to make Harvard a better place to be.  Mostly the gumption.  They have a LOT of gumption.  

In fact, I think it could be safely said that Sam and Gus perfectly encapsulate the Marxist philosophy that Harvard desperately needs.  We shouldn’t be focused on student group funding or the We the Crimson initiative, because they are simply the manifestations of our enslavement to the products of our own labor.  Sam and Gus understand that the capitalist environment that the UC currently supports alienates man from his fellow man, and thus prevents us from reaching our own human potential.  In order man to truly become a species-being, the historical binary must be resolved.  And only Clark and Mayopoulos can resolve it. 

And that’s why we should vote for them.  We deserve a president and a vice-president who aren’t afraid to not talk to other people.  They don’t care if you’re white or black, rich or poor, Harvard student or Lesley University student who got lost on Oxford Street.  They’ll not talk to you either way. 

At least, they didn’t talk to me.  They didn’t talk to me at all. 

But more importantly, Sam and Gus are the only candidates to embrace a proletariat revolution that overthrows the capitalist societal structures that are enslaving us.  Only through a violent overthrow of the existing status quo—from our political structures to our economic system to the university’s bourgeois propaganda—can we truly become free. 

Apart from this, the Clark-Mayopoulos ticket has several other key benefits:

Benefit Número Uno: Diversity.  Sam and Gus will be the UC’s first minority leaders since 1997, when Beth Stewart launched her now-infamous coup.  Damn you, Beth Stewart!   

Benefit Number Two: Soup, and lots of it.  You demand relevance?  Here, have some soup—it’s good for you. 

Benefit Number Three: There are at least three more benefits, and mere humans like us cannot even begin to comprehend them yet.  Or maybe it’s just me.  Maybe that’s why they won’t talk to me, or respond to my Facebook messages, or turn around in the library when I call out their names.  But that’s just speculation. 

So, you ask, why is a card-carrying homosexual Marxist from Arkansas with pre-existing health conditions running Sam and Gus’ campaign.  Well, I’m not.  Apparently I’m not qualified enough to run their campaign, I guess, which doesn’t really make any sense to me because after all I had an internship in Washington last year, which I think makes me pretty qualified.  But I believe in Sam and Gus.  Not in the same way that I believe in wizardry, but kind of.  Sam and Gus have the magic power to transfigurate Harvard into its real role in history as an engine of proletariat revolution.

© 2013